Better Together

Much of what we read about performance focuses on the individual. We are encouraged to become more disciplined, more resilient, more focused, and more productive. We learn how to breathe better, recover faster, train harder, and develop mental toughness. These are worthy pursuits, and they matter. But there is another component in human flourishing that is just as important—and one that is often overlooked: community.

In The Way of Excellence, Brad Stulberg writes that excellence is rarely achieved in isolation. He describes coaches who intentionally created opportunities for athletes to share meals together—not because eating together would improve jump shots or conditioning, but because belonging changes how people show up for one another. Teams don't become exceptional simply because they have talented individuals. They become exceptional because they cultivate trust, connection, and a shared commitment to something larger than themselves.

Research continues to support this idea. Strong communities foster greater resilience, improve well-being, strengthen accountability, and remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves. When people feel connected, they are more willing to learn, more willing to persevere, and more willing to support others in their own growth. Individual performance certainly matters, but the environments in which we perform matter just as much.

One fascinating example comes from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, who analyzed NBA teams during the 2008–2009 season. Rather than studying shooting percentages or advanced statistics, they examined something much simpler: the interactions between teammates–high-fives, fist bumps, chest bumps, hugs, and pats on the back. These seemingly insignificant moments of connection proved to be a surprisingly reliable indicator of later success. Teams whose players consistently acknowledged, encouraged, and celebrated one another went on to perform better over the course of the season. The findings suggest that these simple expressions of connection helped strengthen cooperation and cohesion, creating an environment where both individuals and teams were better able to thrive. 

The lesson extends far beyond basketball. Whether in athletics, education, business, or family life, high-performing groups are rarely just collections of talented individuals– they are communities built on trust, encouragement, shared purpose, and the countless small interactions that communicate, I see you. I value you. I've got your back. Excellence is cultivated not only through personal discipline, but through relationships that bring out the very best in one another.

The ancient Greeks had a word that captures this beautifully: philia. Often translated as brotherly love or deep friendship, philia is more than affection. It reflects mutual respect, shared purpose, generosity, and a commitment to help one another flourish. It reminds us that excellence is not only about becoming our best selves—it is also about helping others become theirs.

Perhaps no story illustrates this principle more simply than the timeless folktale Stone Soup. A weary traveler arrives in a village where everyone, believing they have little to spare, insists they have nothing to share. With patience and ingenuity, he fills a pot with water, places a simple stone inside, and begins making "stone soup." Curious villagers gather, and one by one, each contributes what they can—a carrot, a potato, herbs, onions, a handful of grain. Individually, each offering seems modest, but together they become a meal that nourishes the entire village.

The stone was never what made the soup remarkable. It was the willingness of each person to contribute. With every ingredient that was added, something greater began to emerge—not simply a meal, but a community discovering the power of shared purpose.

The same is true of our families, our schools, our workplaces, our teams, and our communities. Every person brings unique experiences, perspectives, talents, and gifts. Some lead. Some encourage. Some teach. Some quietly serve behind the scenes. Some ask thoughtful questions that help others see differently. None of us possesses everything that is needed, but each of us possesses something that someone else needs.

In a culture that often celebrates individual accomplishment, we can easily forget that our greatest achievements are rarely individual pursuits. The strongest teams, healthiest organizations, and most vibrant communities are built when people willingly contribute their unique strengths toward a purpose greater than themselves.

Perhaps one of life's greatest paradoxes is this: we become our strongest selves when we help others become theirs.  Because in the end, we really are better together.